Sermon for April 26, 1998

Sermon "Learning to Hear the Truth"
Chris Rygh
Sunday April 26, 1998

Learning to Hear the Truth

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." Phil 4:8

What goes through your mind when someone you posed a question to responds by saying, "Well, do you want the truth or shall I lie and make you feel good?" Ever heard that line? What do you think about my new haircut? How about these shoes? Honey, how do you like my tie?

"Well, Chris, do you want the truth or will you settle for a lie that will make you feel good?"

There is a part of us that says, "Well, I'll take the lie." You know, make me feel gooood. I'd just as soon feel good as feel bad any day! And then there's another part of us, a deeper part, that says, "No, I'd better not do that. Okay, ruin my day, tell me the truth. Go ahead. Dump it on me."

WE LONG FOR WHAT IS TRUE, EVEN IF TRUTH COMES AS HARD WORDS.

Some time ago we asked some experts to come in and evaluate our instruments, specifically our chapel organ and this piano. We asked the team to consider things like their quality, life expectancy, anticipated repairs. When it was all over they came back to us and said words to the effect, "Well, do you want the truth or shall we lie and make you feel good?"

Since we're committed to a music ministry that is inspiring to you and honoring to God, we asked for the truth. And this team told us we should think about replacing the organ and substituting a refurbished piano here in the nave. Hard words! With a cost of $60,000, these were expensive words!

When Roy Brouwer came on as our building superintendent, one of the first tasks assigned to him by the Board of Trustees was to do an analysis of our heating system. We were particularly concerned with our boiler. After lots of looking, Roy came back at us with words to the effect, "Well, do you want the truth about the boiler or shall I lie and make you feel good."

It was tempting for us to want to believe that all was well with our heating system. But we are committed to building a structure that will stand and serve you people for a long time. So we said, "You'd better tell us the truth."

Roy said, "The boiler is bad. We have many pipes that will have to be removed. New ones will have to be installed. We have pumps and valves that are thirty years past the time they should have been replaced. But if we take action now--bite the bullet--and do the work, that boiler will last for many years to come." Hard words. Expensive words!

Friday morning I sat with Lew Wrangell just before he went into surgery. About a week ago Lew felt some pain and so he checked in with his cardiologist. In his typical easy-going fashion, Lew asked "So, how am I doing, doc?"

The doctor responded with words to the effect, "Well Lew, do you want it straight, or shall I lie and tell you everything's okay?" That's a tough choice, isn't it? Because most of us would rather hear a pleasant review of a normal physical examination, wouldn't we? However, not many of us would be foolish enough to close our ears to the truth if our health and future were really at stake. So Lew said, "Well, I'll pass on the lying and feeling good option there. Tell me the truth, doc."

The doctor told him he needed one of two things: either an angioplasty or another bypass. And it would need to be done as soon as possible. So Lew and Eunice said a prayer, made their decision, and scheduled the surgery. I spoke with Lew last night. He has a clean report and is very glad that he requested, received and responded to the truth of his condition.

When you equip a music ministry or when you build a building it pays to hear and respond to the truth. When you are making medical decisions, it pays to hear and respond to the truth. Even if the short term affect of hearing and responding to the truth brings pain and discomfort and expense or heartache or chaos . . . it pays.

And friends, when you are building relationships--in marriages, in friendships, with GOD . . . whatever context--it pays to receive the truthful words, even if they are hard words that upset apple carts, that rock boats, that cut you to the core. Because relationships built on anything less than the truth are relationships destined for disaster. A relationship built on deception plays like an out of tune piano. It is a steam boiler ready to blow. It is the folly of an unheeded medical report. Won't be long and there will be major trouble.

Thankfully, intuition tells us to avoid trouble. We usually know it is in our best interest to want the truth. HOWEVER, EVEN THOUGH WE WANT THE TRUTH, WE'RE SELDOM PREPARED TO RECEIVE IT. In order to receive the truth from others, we have to learn to overcome natural human instincts.

We're moving into baseball season. Every once in a while when watching a ball game or attending one in person, you'll see a pitcher throw a fast ball, and the batter will take a swing and hit a line drive over a 100 miles per hour right back at the pitcher. You know what happens: in that fraction of a second, the pitcher will throw his glove up and sometimes he actually catches the line drive. When that happens, the commentators say, "That pitcher caught that ball . . . in self defense." The pitcher was simply protecting himself from an oncoming missile. He never thought about catching the ball, he simply responded instinctively trying to protect himself.

Wouldn't you agree? WE USUALLY RECEIVE TRUTH REFLEXIVELY OR INSTINCTIVELY LIKE A PITCHER RECEIVING A LINE DRIVE HIT. In that fraction of a second as another person begins to deliver hard words to us, our minds are racing to figure out ways to protect our fragile feelings.

I've been working on this in my life for five or six years. Trying to be less defensive when people speak hard words to me. But I AMAZE myself at my inability still to handle to hard words the way I'd like to. My REJECTION WEAPON activates while the other person is only beginning to get to the point. In other words when someone just says, "Chris, I'd like to talk to you about something."

When I first detect that MAYBE some hard words MIGHT be coming, I start saying to myself, "You know, whatever issue this person is about to bring to my attention, he's got the wrong guy. I would never do whatever he thinks I did. I don't believe in doing what he thinks I did. I don't know what it is yet, but I have strong convictions I would never do what he thinks I did." Rejection. Denial.

And then my DELUXE RATIONALIZER COMES ON LINE. Remember, I don't even know what the issue is yet. But my rationalizer says, "There are two hundred fifty ax murderers running loose on the streets of Milwaukee and you're coming at me for some penny ante misdemeanor?"

I've got the rationalization weapon working. And then my SUPER DUPER RETALIATOR KICKS IN. Do you have one of these? I say to myself, "You know, if he gets a little close to my heart right now, I'm gonna start thinking of ways that I can point out to him that he hasn't lived the perfect life. And if we're going to start DRAGGIN' OUT THE LAUNDRY I've got some access to his dirty clothes basket. And I am MORE THAN WILLING to sink to whatever level he is willing to sink to neutralize his attack. Imagine hearing a pastor talk like this!

Whatever the issue is it is almost always overshadowed by our reflexive, instinctual, immature need to protect ourselves and our fragile feelings. You know why so many truth telling sessions degenerate into shouting matches and pouting sessions and power plays? It is because we hate pain. We hate to be wrong. And we hate it even more when someone points it out to us. The most mature people among us still feel those awkward feelings when we have to say those humiliating words: "I'm wrong. You're right. I'm sorry."

I want to admit, this is a major, major spiritual challenge requiring tons courage and self control. Our challenge is to convert the energy once used by our rejection and rationalization and retaliation weapons into listening power, into contemplation power, into vulnerability power, into reflection power. We need to say with the writer of James, "I'm going to settle my spirit down and back off a bit. I'm going to be quick to listen and slow to react. Because there might be a particle of truth in what this person is going to say to me, and it might make a contribution to my life."

But there is a problem: EVEN IF WE CAN MUSTER THE COURAGE AND SELF CONTROL TO LISTEN TO THE TRUTH, WE DON'T ALWAYS KNOW HOW TO RESPOND.

The Bible tells us WE SHOULD RESPOND HUMBLY WITH OPENNESS AND INTEREST. And it gives us some good examples of people who tried to do this. David and Paul come to my mind. Let me give you some secular images that I hope will make this clear:

Before I moved to Wisconsin, while I was still teaching sixth grade in Rochester, MN, I saw a local news piece on Reggie White--this fellow who played for the Green Bay Packers. I remember the story clearly. The Packer defense was huddled in the locker room watching game tapes. The camera zoomed in on Reggie who was intently watching the large screen replay of the last game. He was so focused! Every once in a while, he'd ask the coach to stop the tape and he'd say, "What did I do wrong here? Did I miss the cues? Where did I mess up?" Here was a highly paid professional football giant saying words to the effect, "Forget my fragile feelings, forget all this other stuff. Show me what I did wrong. I'd rather have the truth than you lying and making me feel good." That story--those images-- really made an impression on me.

That same year I had a remarkable young lady in my class. She wanted to be a writer. I remember returning her first writing assignment. Across the top, I'd written, "Nice job, Lexie. You captured the main idea clearly and you stated your ideas well. 'A'" That afternoon I found the essay in the homework basket again with this message on the bottom of the first page. Lexie had responded, "Mr. Rygh, is this all you can teach me? I want the truth. I want to be a great writer." She challenged me to match her paragraph for paragraph the rest of the year. For every paragraph of new material, she wanted a paragraph of interactive response. What a craving she had. What a secure young lady!

Now let me tell you about a secure marriage. I'm lucky to have such terrific siblings. I learn so much from them. My brother, Steve and his wife Kim have an interesting ritual. (I'm ashamed to say I haven't yet found the courage to try this myself.) About every week or so, they take three index cards. One is labeled "Start", another "Stop" and another "Continue". Steve asks, "What do I need to start doing that will have a positive impact on our marriage and our family. What should I stop doing that will have a positive impact on our marriage and family? And what do I need to continue?" He hands her the cards, and in a few days she will respond in writing to his questions. Likewise, she too asks these hard questions of her husband. What vulnerability! What an invitation!

You know what I wish was more true about me? That I would pay less attention to my fragile feelings and that I would be such a truth lover and that I would be so eager to base my life and my relationships on truth. That I would say--when someone was trying to bring some hard words to me--"Look I don't need to protect myself. I need to quiet myself. I need to turn all these retaliation weapons off. And just quietly and maturing hear the truth." Our challenge is to deal with issues and truth and a little less with ego and fragile feelings.

Now we need take a very short tangent here.. One of you noticed a major gap in my sermon outline, so this is an attempt to close this hole. I have to say few words about the need to receive and respond to affirming, positive words of truth from others. You'd think this would be easy. But haven't you encouraged or complimented someone for something only to have them refuse your words, put you off, brush you away?

"Bob, you played so well at your piano recital!"

"Oh no I didn't. I was awful. I mean I played like I had mittens on. I was so embarrassed. I wanted to crawl in a hole and die!"

"Oh. Gee I thought you did a great job, Bob."

Frustrating, isn't it? Doesn't that kind of drain your enthusiasm for encouraging him the next time? Aren't you sometimes tempted to say sarcastically, "Well you know, Bob, now that I think about it, you really did poorly. You really did. You trashed every song you played. We plugged our ears. We couldn't wait for the end of that debauchery!"

"Fran! You look so nice. What a beautiful color you're wearing."

"Oh my no! My good dress is at the cleaners and all I have is this old rag."

"Hey Fran, you're right! You are an outright embarrassment. There should be fashion laws against the likes of you. You ought not be allowed on the streets of this town!"

Forgive my sarcasm. But you know what I'm saying, don't you. It is frustrating to encourage someone and then to have them respond that way. When we refuse spirit led, well intentioned affirmations from other people, we tend not only to frustrate the one affirming us, but we might well extinguish their enthusiasm for affirming other people in like fashion. Why not simply respond by saying, "Thank you". Or "You really made my day".

Those kind of responses tend to encourage the affirmer. And as you've heard me say before, the whole world would be a better place if there were a lot more encouragement and affirmation floating around. Bottom line: We are expected to respond to the challenging and affirming truths that come from one another as well as the truth that comes from God.

So how do we apply this sermon tomorrow morning when the alarm goes off?

First, I challenge you to go to your spouse, your children, your close friends, a coworker or even your boss and say to that trusted person, "Friend, what is it that you would like to say to me if you knew I wouldn't get defensive and angry with you for telling me the truth? What is it you'd really like to tell me, but you never dared because you were afraid of my reaction and my defensiveness and my coming back at you real strong?"

I did this. One night a year or two ago I was vacationing with my siblings. We were up late playing cards and I was feeling pretty secure. So I said, "You know I would just like to invite all of you, if you just see any MINUSCULE thing in my life you'd like to point out to me, knowing that I won't get defensive or reactionary about it, just go ahead and talk to me about it.

Next thing you know . . . it was breakfast! I mean it went on and on and on. "AND FURTHERMORE . . . AND SINCE YOU WON'T GET DEFENSIVE!" Now, I'm exaggerating a little here, but I tell you what, I was very surprised and embarrassed by what surfaced. I have never forgotten nor will I forget some of those truthful words that were said to me. And I don't know if they would have come out if I hadn't invited them and guaranteed my family amnesty in advance. You know what? These were exactly the kind of hard words I needed, (and need,) to hear most.

Second, I'd like for you to take a hard look at Galatians 5:22-23. This is the familiar passage in which Paul lists the fruits of the spirit. For those of us who are particularly practical, this list represents what the Christian life should look like. Where the rubber meets the road, day in and day out. As you attempt to conform your life to that of Jesus, use these nine adjectives as your standard of excellence. I suggest you select one--the one most difficult for you-- and open yourself to its truth. Post that word in your day planner, on your bathroom mirror, in your car. Listen to the truth God is trying to share with you this week!

"But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." Gal. 5:22-23

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