Friendship
30 June 2013
Rev. Barry W. Szymanski, J.D.
Minister of Pastoral Care
First Congregational Church of Wauwatosa

John 15:1-15 New Revised Standard Version, Anglicised (NRSVA)

‘I am the true vine, and my Father is the vine-grower. He removes every branch in me that bears no fruit. Every branch that bears fruit he prunes to make it bear more fruit. You have already been cleansed by the word that I have spoken to you. Abide in me as I abide in you.
Just as the branch cannot bear fruit by itself unless it abides in the vine, neither can you unless you abide in me. I am the vine, you are the branches. Those who abide in me and I in them bear much fruit, because apart from me you can do nothing. Whoever does not abide in me is thrown away like a branch and withers; such branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask for whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. My Father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit and become my disciples. As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you; abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. I have said these things to you so that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be complete. ‘This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is doing; but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father. You did not choose me but I chose you. And I appointed you to go and bear fruit, fruit that will last, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask him in my name. I am giving you these commands so that you may love one another.

SERMON

Various successions lead us from buddies to acquaintances to friends to close friendships to, in some cases, lovers. From the earliest times people have known friends. We are social people. We need other people. We need the world. Our senses help us interact with our surroundings and with other people: sight, hearing, touch, taste of food, and smell, all involve relating to someone or something other than ourselves.

One of the supreme tortures is depravation of sensory stimulation. The people we know also bring us reality. Sometimes, perhaps, much too much reality, but at least we know they are there! Social media, such as Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, YouTube, and blogs, help us to be connected with each other. Most people have many acquaintances. Some people have several friends. To have a very close friend is often a rarity.

Vincent van Gogh, a Dutch artist, is probably most well known for an incident during which his earlobe was somehow cut off. He worked at various jobs and was unsuccessful at all of them. He was a bookstore clerk, an art salesman, and a preacher. By the way, he was fired as a preacher because of his overzealousness! He was unhappy in romances with women. When he turned to art his intent was to create works of beauty and thereby make people happy. Van Gogh did have friends – and he did argue with them. This is his famous quote: “Close friends are truly life's treasures. Sometimes they know us better than we know ourselves. With gentle honesty, they are there to guide and support us, to share our laughter and our tears. Their presence reminds us that we are never really alone.” While Van Gogh’s life seemed to be a shambles, he created great art; and he did understand close friendship. Friendship comes about by giving and receiving – and forgiving.

Can we be friends with our children? Can we be friends with our relatives? Can we be friends with our spouses? In our modern world we expect our spouses to be friends? That was not the situation from early times on. And when people married it was arranged by marriage brokers. The Broadway show and movie, “Fiddler on the Roof,” has a part, which focuses on a marriage broker. When Tevye’s daughter, Tzeitel, tells him that she loves Motel
this forces Tevye to make a decision. He can let love take over, or follow tradition. If he follows tradition, then the village matchmaker, Yente, is rewarded for finding a husband for Tzetel. What complicates the story is that Yente found a rich butcher, Lazar Wolf, to marry Tzetel; but Tzeitel’s love, Motel is as poor as Tevye. Tradition versus love; a monied spouse versus continued poverty. In medieval times many marriages from royal families took place to cement treaties between different countries. But it is not rare for arranged marriages to take place even now, 2013, in this world – and even in the U.S. But I have read that many arranged marriages, throughout the centuries, resulted in the couple becoming friends – and even very close friends.

On the other hand, through the years we have all witnessed many marriages, which have taken place because the couple thought they were friends, but the marriage ended in divorce. One of the problems which can occur in every friendship, whether spousal friendship, or the other friends we choose, happens when we presumeto know everything about our friend – then we fail miserably in that friendship -- in our pompousness. Each one of us is unique. Acceptance is one of the keys to a great relationship. A key is just a means of access. The same is true for God -- for when we presume to understand God, then we fail miserably -- and are pompous.

Another obstacle to friendship is if we project ourselves onto our friends. We may want to project our emotions onto a friend. Or we may project our thoughts. Our attitudes. Our prejudices. Our intentions. Whenever we project, we fail, because every person is unique. We don’t like it when people project their feelings, or bias’ on us, because it takes away from who we are. When we project who we are onto God, then we really fail miserably. Since we cannot see God, it is easy for a person to project oneself onto God. That person then thinks that God thinks the way he does. And that God feels what he or she feels. In fact, a person can even project intolerance onto God. That is really failing miserably! And that is truly pompous. And it is dangerous. We read it regularly in news articles, or watching news on TV. The way to friendship is acceptance of the other person.

What can we learn from today’s Gospel passage? In today’s Gospel Jesus tells us that ‘As the Father has loved him, so he loves us.’ And he adds: “abide in my love”. To abide in someone is to live in their hearts and minds. Another way of saying this is that Jesus is telling us to make our home in him. Live with him. Have dinner with him. Relax with Jesus. As a friend, take off your shoes and be comfortable in his presence. Rest at night with him. Rise in the morning and go to work with him. But it is not a one-way street. Jesus clearly said that, “Those who abide in me and I in them bear much fruit.” He tells us He wants to live with us in our hearts and minds and homes also. He wants to be part of our lives. All we have to do is keep the door of our soul open to him. Yet there are times, at least there have been times in my life, where the door to my heart was bolted and secured like a New York door: closed and locked with at least three locks and a bar across the door. But it is not as simple as just letting Jesus live in us. He made two promises: “If you abide in me, and my words abide in you . . . .“ It is important that what Jesus teaches, and who Jesus is, becomes part of who we are.

The regular reading and hearing of scripture, as the Gospel was read this morning, is vital. Preaching of the word is essential to understanding scripture if the message brings the word to life in our current culture. Jesus told us that he is the vine, and we are the branches. A vine is not just what is above the ground, it also is the roots. Jesus tells us he is rooted in the earth, he receives spiritual nourishment and he brings that vitality to the branches. When we, the branches, need spiritual food, we draw on the vine and its roots -- who is the Christ.

Jesus tells us that his ‘. . . Father is glorified by this, that we, his followers, bear much fruit and become [his] disciples.’ It is not enough that we say we are followers of Jesus, for he explains that our task, as branches of his vine, is to bear fruit. We cannot take spiritual nourishment, and not bear fruit. That is selfish. That is not what Jesus wants of us. Jesus continued and says he is telling us these things so that his joy may be in us, and that our joy may be complete. I find his last comment so powerful! Jesus wants our joy to be complete! Our God desires our happiness. Isn’t that what we want of our closest friends? We want their joy – their happiness! That is what we want of those we love the most.

At Christmas we give stuff to those dearest to us: because we want to see them happy. Obviously Jesus goes beyond stuff, and enters the realm of true happiness in our world: friendship, joy, spiritual peace.

Jesus asks us to share his love with others. He asks us, in fact, he commands us to love one another in the same way that he loves us.
Jesus actually gave us a self-test. He asks us if we would place our life on the line for our friends in the same way he gave his life for us. Then Jesus really pulls us into himself. He said we are not his servants. He explained that servants do not know what their masters are thinking. Jesus wants us to fully comprehend what he thinks. Jesus tells us servants do not know what their masters are planning. Jesus desires that we fully understand what he plans. I think that the reason the four Gospels were so well written under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit was so we would abide in Jesus’ life, thoughts and plans. Jesus calls us friends. There are only three clear times in the Old Testament when Abraham and Moses are referred to as friends. But Jesus tells us we can be his friends!

I want to re-read Van Gogh’s statement on friends in light of what Jesus calls us as his friends: “Close friends are truly life's treasures. Sometimes they know us better than we know ourselves. With gentle honesty, they are there to guide and support us, to share our laughter and our tears. Their presence reminds us that we are never really alone.”

Jesus reminds us that we did not choose him, but he chose us. Then Jesus tells us he places us in this world to bear fruit, fruit that won’t spoil. Jesus says that whatever we ask God the Father He will give us. I think that this last statement shows whatever we pray for to be in spiritual union with God, God will provide to us. Jesus knew God the Father through prayer. As he was growing up he learned scripture.

These are some passages that he learned at his local synagogue: The psalmist wrote at Psalm 25:14: “The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him, and he makes known to them his covenant.” In the Torah, at Exodus 33:11, it is written: “Thus the Lord used to speak to Moses face to face, as a man speaks to his friend.” Proverbs 17:17 states that: “A friend loves at all times, . . . “ By the way, in the Old Testament, only Abraham and Moses are referred to as ‘friends’. See 2 Chronicles 20:7 and Isaiah 41:8.

How do friends interact? Close friends can be together with each other in silence – and yet the bond between them is like cement. Friends can ask favors of each other – but not impose on the other. Friends are able to share their inner self with each other – without judgment – and in confidence.

What gives me the most consolation when I reflect on friendship with Jesus is when I read this passage written in both Matthew 11:19 and in Luke 7:34: “The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and [those against him] said, ‘Look at him! A glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!’” If Jesus was a friend of sinners and tax collectors and ministers and lawyers, then I am comforted, because I know that Jesus is there for me.

Let us pray,

Lord, God, your son has told us that he has chosen us to bear fruit, for he is the vine and its root, and you are the vine-grower. We are the branches and are to abide in Jesus, and to bear much fruit. May we accept Jesus’ invitation to be at home with him. We are comforted to know that your son wants our joy to be complete. We pray for the strength to love our neighbor as Jesus has loved us, because he told us that “No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” Lord, give us strength to follow in the footsteps of your Son, Jesus. May we show Christ’s love to all we meet, to all we hear and know of, and, to those who need us. We pray this is Jesus’ name
under the guidance of your Holy Spirit. Amen.