First Congregational Church of Wauwatosa
June 21, 2009
“There is no Restriction”
Rev. Barry W. Szymanski, J.D.
Mark 4:35-41

On that day, when evening had come, he said to them, ‘Let us go across to the other side.’ And leaving the crowd behind, they took him with them in the boat, just as he was. Other boats were with him. A great gale arose, and the waves beat into the boat, so that the boat was already being swamped. But he was in the stern, asleep on the cushion; and they woke him up and said to him, ‘Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?’ He woke up and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, ‘Peace! Be still!’ Then the wind ceased, and there was a dead calm. He said to them, ‘Why are you afraid? Have you still no faith?’ And they were filled with great awe and said to one another, ‘Who then is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?’

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2 Cor 6:1-13

As we work together with him, we urge you also not to accept the grace of God in vain. For he says, ‘At an acceptable time I have listened to you, and on a day of salvation I have helped you.’ See, now is the acceptable time; see, now is the day of salvation! We are putting no obstacle in anyone’s way, so that no fault may be found with our ministry, but as servants of God we have commended ourselves in every way: through great endurance, in afflictions, hardships, calamities, beatings, imprisonments, riots, labors, sleepless nights, hunger; by purity, knowledge, patience, kindness, holiness of spirit, genuine love, truthful speech, and the power of God; with the weapons of righteousness for the right hand and for the left; in honor and dishonor, in ill repute and good repute. We are treated as impostors, and yet are true; as unknown, and yet are well known; as dying, and see—we are alive; as punished, and yet not killed; as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, and yet possessing everything. We have spoken frankly to you Corinthians; our heart is wide open to you. There is no restriction in our affections, but only in yours. In return—I speak as to children—open wide your hearts also.

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THE SERMON

When Jesus walked among us he showed us what it means to be human, and he disclosed a clearer image of God to us. By his life, he showed us how the two integrate – how to be a better human, and how we can enter into a better relationship with God.

Paul followed the path that the resurrected Jesus laid before him. In doing so, Paul becomes an example to us. In his letter to the Corinthian community Paul wrote about himself – but in doing so, he told us what he, a man, did in order to help that community. I would like to use his list this morning as a guide to talk about the qualities a father should have. Paul’s list is comprehensive, and can be useful to us on Father’s Day.

Richard Jones, in a short passage called ‘After Work’ writes about a father returning from work.

Coming up from the subway
into the cool Manhattan evening,
I feel rough hands on my heart ---
Women in the market yelling
Over rows of tomatoes and peppers,
Old men sitting on a stoop playing cards,
Cabbies cursing each other with fists
While the music of church bells
Sails over the street,
And the father, angry and tired
After working all day,
Embracing his little girl,
Kissing her,
Mi vida, mi Corazón, [My life, my heart]
Brushing the hair out of her eyes
So she can see.

A father wears many hats. We have the jobs on the ‘Daddy-Do’ list. But a father is more than a man who eventually gets to do things on a list. Yes, I did say, eventually. A father is a person who nurtures – but as a man nurtures. A man tends to be there – to be available – but not to impose himself on his children.

A father is a man who does not put any obstacle in his children’s way. He is there to help, both when asked, and, when not asked, to either volunteer or be at the ready. A father has great endurance.

In a physical fight, say boxing, or in a tough game, say basketball, football or soccer, a player can fake a lot of action, but there is one thing he or she cannot fake: Endurance. Either you have endurance or you do not. You can’t fake it! When you are out of breath and your muscles are burning, there is little more push available. A great player will make that push. And a great father will try for that ‘little more push’ also – to make it available because he loves his children.

In life we face afflictions, hardships, and calamities. The lack of money and the lack of time so often beat us down, or imprison us. But a strong man who is a father will rise above those hardships and do what it takes for his children. He will work to see his children through the rough spots in life.

With a smile on my face, I recall that in Paul’s letter, which was read today, he wrote of riots, labors, and sleepless nights. As a father I can relate to sleepless nights – and to labors. Since my daughter is now in her mid-thirties and quite settled in her personality and life, the sleepless nights are mostly over. The labors continue!

But Paul also wrote of riots. Now Paul was referring to riots in the streets – including once where Roman soldiers had to rescue him from a crowd. So it is probably not fair to equate that kind of wild and violent street riot with the antics of a teenage daughter, so I will not even try. But I am tempted to, because of those two times when . . . But let’s move on to the qualities of a man of God. The first is purity. We often think of purity in only one sense, but it has more than one meaning. Purity means that there are no other ideas or things, which impede a person. In other words, there is a transparency to a person. A pure person is someone who is wholesome. A pure man is an honorable man – a man with integrity. An impure male is corrupt; a male who is contaminated in some way.

I have been to many funerals in my life, and I have been to a number of them where the children of a deceased father clearly stated that their father was a decent man. What an epithet! A decent man. Who can live a life better than that?

Another quality is knowledge. A man should have knowledge, not just about his job, but also about society, his family, his children’s life, and his wife’s likes and dislikes. I am learning that some men know more about their hobbies than about their children and spouses.

There are many comedians who make comments about men refusing to ask for directions. It’s not that we guys always know where we are. Way down deep our inner-most-selves we know we are lost. We’re just not going to admit it. Not that we are fibbing. Somehow, in our inmost reptilian brain we know we are lost – but, we have this feeling that we can, through our survival skills, save the day. Now there are few guys who have any survival skills outside of a operating a microwave, but there is that secret part of us that wants to believe that we can survive in the deep woods. However, the truth is that the only guys that enter the deep woods are really, really bad golfers.

Which leads me to the next quality: patience. To be a great father is to work at being patient. Children, if we can make any comparison at all, are similar to cats. They have their own mind. They have their own clock. You may never understand their moods. When they want your attention they will do almost anything to get it. And when you do want their attention, not even the prayer of a saint will get it.

The next quality is kindness. A kind man is a compassionate man. A kind man is generous with his time, with his talents, and with his stuff. A kind man is a caring man. You cannot envision a great father who is not considerate, and sympathetic, and thoughtful. No man who is truly a father is cruel.

Which leads us to holiness of spirit. Today’s Gospel story shows us the anxiety of the disciples of Jesus who were in the boat with him when “. . . a great gale arose.” We are told that the waves were so high they were swamping the boat. During this storm, while the boat was filling with water, Jesus was “. . .in the stern, asleep on the cushion.” So, there he was, Jesus, who is, as C.S. Lewis says, 100% God and 100% man, sleeping comfortably on a soft cushion, apparently with no cares!!! His fellow passengers in the boat woke him up and must have been screaming at him in fright, yelling that they were going to perish. They were probably wondering why he didn’t care.

After he woke up, Jesus asked them, ‘Why are you afraid?’ and he also asked them a second question, ‘Have you still no faith?’ The disciples, who were followers of Christ, but still being formed, as we are still today in this church, were filled with great awe. But for the wrong reason. They were in awe because Jesus told the sea to be still and upon his command the waves became a dead calm. They, like we would, said to one another,
‘Who then is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?’

But the disciples missed what Jesus’ asked them! They missed his point! The two questions which Jesus posed to them were ‘Why are you afraid? Have you still no faith?’ Because the people in the boat were in awe of Jesus’ miracle, they missed the significance of Jesus’ faith – and of his calling out to their faith! Faith is what makes a follower of Jesus! Faith means not to be afraid. To have a holiness of spirit. To trust in God. What Jesus calls us to is that faith which flows from an inner spirituality that shows itself in one’s wholeness – and therefore in holiness.

This holiness comes from realizing God’s love for us shown by Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Our response to God’s love should be shown by our genuine love of others. And who is a better natural recipient of love than a child – especially your own child. A great father is a loving father. A father who has genuine love for his children. A father who will give his life for his children. A man who loves, and can show that love in a manly way, is a strong man. A father who loves will have children who realize that love. Yet we must remember that each of us returns the love that is given to us in different ways. There is no ‘one way’ for love to be accepted by another – and especially so by children.

As they grow, they will think their own way; act their own way; vote their own way; and approach and decide issues their own way. But respect is due them as children of God, as Christ died for each of us; He died love us – you and me!

I would like to read a passage called ‘Egg’ by C. G. Hanzlicek

It is very simple – and the last line of what this father wrote is loving simplicity itself.

I’m scrambling an egg for my daughter.
“Why are you always whistling?” she asks.
“Because I’m happy.”
And it’s true,
Though it stuns me to say it aloud;
There was a time when I wouldn’t
Have seen it as my future.
It’s partly a matter
Of who is there to eat the egg:
The self-fallen out of love with itself
Through the tedium of familiarity,
Or this little self,
So curious, so hungry,
Who emerged from the woman I love,
A woman who loves me in a way
I’ve come to think I deserve,
Now that it arrives from outside me.
Everything changes, we’re told,
And now the changes are everywhere:
The house with its morning light
That fills me like a revelation,
The yard with its trees
That cast a bit more shade each summer,
The love of a woman
That both is and isn’t confounding,
And the love
Of this clamor of questions at my waist.
Clamor of questions,
You clamor of answers,
Here’s your egg.

Which leads us to truthful speech. A father is not false to his family. Earlier I spoke of transparency. Children can see through their parents. I’ll give you a plain example. I have seen fathers out riding on bicycles with their children. Picture a dad with three children, ages 5, 8, and 13. All of the children are wearing bike helmets; dad is not wearing a helmet. I ask you, when the children are alone and dad is not around, will the children wear a bike helmet? Children watch us very carefully. That, by the way, has been scary to me as my daughter grew up. She noticed more about me – both good and bad -- than I will ever know.

Which leads us to the last quality: to really feel and really know the power of God. Just consider the awesome responsibility of fatherhood – and how comforting it is to know that the power of God can overcome our failings as fathers – To know that God’s power can make right what we inadvertently made not so right. To know that God’s power can heal the wounds we caused by not doing something a better way. And, to know that God’s power in us can do so much. That when we cannot do what we need to do by ourselves with our own effort, the power of God can accomplish!

Our children grow up so very fast. My daughter is in her thirties – but in my heart she remains the newborn I saw in the hospital before my wife even saw her! I learned over the years to make every effort to care for my daughter as an individual and treat her appropriate to her age. So, for many years and at many times I learned that I could not be the protective father, the overlooking father, the overburdening father, but rather I must be a companion to my daughter. The result is that my daughter and I are friends. Today is Father’s Day – a day when there is honor given to all fathers. Rob and I thought that the best clothing to wear this special day was Levi’s so that fathers and grandfathers of children can sit, and kneel, and play on the grass with their children, and have BBQ sauce spilled on laps without any excitement over the stain. With that idea, I want to close with the final line from Paul’s letter.

This is what he wrote:

“We have spoken frankly to you Corinthians; our heart is wide open to you. There is no restriction in our affections, but only in yours. In return—I speak as to children—open wide your hearts also.”

So, a father is to have “no restriction in his affections” but to love freely; and a father also has to be a child in the way that a child opens wide his and her heart to accept love. Respond to Jesus when he asks you, “Why are you afraid? Have you still no faith?” and trust in his love for you. Be a child to Jesus. Be a great father to your children and grandchildren.

Let us pray,
Our Father who art in heaven, we pray for,
and honor our fathers on this day.
We know that they tried, each in their own way,
to raise us as they saw fit.
Let us realize that through it all, they loved us,
even when they could not show it.
Lord, we who are fathers, and grandfathers,
pray that we grow in holiness of spirit,
and in the love that comes from faith and holiness,
so that our children and grandchildren understand the love that you,
our God, have for us.

Amen.